It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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