just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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