You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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