pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
