i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
