I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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