addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
