The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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