The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
