I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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