College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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