Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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