MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
