Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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