kristin has been a bad kristin
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
