everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
