I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
