I think im going to throw up on grandma
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
