btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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