I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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