My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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