Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
