Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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