just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize