I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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