I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
