is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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