The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
