I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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