I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
