Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i will never coherently bang her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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