I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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