I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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