I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
