If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
