we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize