Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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