I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
