two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize