now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
