I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
