I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
