did you get engaged???
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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