i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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