I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
