I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
