I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
