you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
