Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
