just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
