How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As shirtless as possible
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
