Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oh god it's open bar.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize