We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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