This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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