Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
