i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
