why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
