I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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