I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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