You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
