he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
