so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
