Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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