belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
