i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
