This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
