So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
