I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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