He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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