Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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