She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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