so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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