were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
