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• (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

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• (818): View more from California

  My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff

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• (760): View more from California

  People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Still got in the car though

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."

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• (212): View more from New York

  Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense

  (212): View more from New York

  The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!

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