How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
