I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
