It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
