just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
