He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
