Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
