Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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