He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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