Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
