I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
