Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
