we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
