I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
