can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
