I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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