At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
