She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
