So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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