i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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